


The Usual Between Dan and Phil.

by punkprostitute



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, I have no idea what other things are gonna be in this, M/M, So I'll update when I do know.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-20 20:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4800608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkprostitute/pseuds/punkprostitute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Literally, just conversations between Dan and Phil that my friend and I make up. (:</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Furniture Shopping.

"No Phil we are notgettingthebunkbeds"

"But-"

"No."

\---

"Dan! Come here!"

"Wha- Jesus Christ, Phil! Get down from there!"

"But Dan! We could get this one because its a bed on top and a desk on bottom!"

"Phil, no."

"But-"

"No."

\---

"Dan, back away from the anime posters."

"But Mikasa-"

"Back away from the anime posters."

"You like anime!"

"Doesn't mean I want a poster of Mikasa in our living room."

\---

"Phil, let's get these!"

"Dan, they're literally all black."

"Oooo! And these!"

"Dan, we're not have an all black house."

"LET'S PAINT THE WALLS BLACK."

"Dan, no."

"Just one room-"

"No."

"What is wrong with black?"

"It's dark and depressing."

"I'm dark and depressing."

"Exactly, I've got my share of it."

"Rude."

"I love you!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Daaaaan."

"What?"

"..."

"..."

"Can we get the bunk beds?"

"Oh my god."

"I'll let you get a black comforter set."

"Let me think about it. Now can we agree on a couch? And I see you eyeing the yellow one-not happening."

"Fine, but we're not getting the brown one, either."

"Fucker."

"Don't swear, some woman is staring at us."

"Fuckity fuck fuck."

"I will return the Totoro throw pillows."

"No you bloody won't."

"...okay I won't but I'll find a felt marker-"

"Alright I'll stop swearing!!"

\---

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod."

"What are you on about now?"

"LOOK, DAN! LOOK HOW CUTE THE BABY CRIBS ARE!"

"Oh god."

"LOOK AT THIS ONE! IT'S SO CUTE!"

"Phil, stop."

"Can we get one?"

"Phil, we don't have a child."

"Yeah, but we can get one."

"..."

"..."

"Did you just ask me if we could get a child."

"...maybe."

"You want one just for the crib, don't you?"

"Look, this one's got Winnie the Pooh on it!"

"Let's get a child."

"We should get a boy and name him Dil."

"..."

"Please?"

"We're not naming him the name of our sim."

"Please! What would you name him?"

"...Dil."

"Ha! See?"

"It doesn't make it any less ridiculous."

"How it that a ridiculous name?"

"We are not naming any child after a pickle."

"It's not a pickle! It's our ship name."

"No, Phil. Our ship name is Phan."

"Oh yeah."

"... Why do I put up with you."

"OH MY GOD, DAN, WE CAN GET DIL A BUNK BED!"

"Oh my god."

"I'd let you get the black comforter for him. We could pick out little baby booties."

"Baby booties? That's your great persuasive argument?"

"There are probably Totoro onesies out there for kids."

"...to think we just wanted to look at some kitchen tables."

"Come on, Danny!"

"Phil, we need to go home."

"But, Dan! The crib!"

"Phil, we literally have no room for a baby."

"We can buy a new house."

"Phil. Let's go."

"But the crib."

"Phil."

"But-"

"I swear to god if you say it one more time."

"..."

"..."

"The crib."

"I'm slapping you."

"That's not a good influence for the baby."

"Walk home, I'm leaving."

"DAN WAIT!"

"Bye."

"LOVE ME!"

"Seriously, why do I put up with you."

"Because you love me."

"Yeah, I do. Now come on."

"But the crib."

"GODDAMMIT PHILLIP"

"Don't swear!"

"Not this again...we didn't even buy any furniture!"

"Excuse me, will you two gentleman please keep it down?"

"Of course, sorry to bother you ma'am...see Phil? Now let's go eat, I'm starving."

"Will we get the crib some other time?"

"Jesus fuck- yes! Please, can we go eat now?"

"Yes."

"Finally."

"Where do you want to eat at?"

"I don't care, what about you?"

"The crib."

"Fuck you, fuck this, I'm gonna catch a cab. Goodbye."

"The crib won't fit in a cab, though."

"Fucking hell, Phil."

"Stop swearing! We're going to be daddies!"

"Phil, oh my god."

"We need to clean up our act."

"..."

"Who are you calling?"

"..."

"Dan?"

"...Hey, Peej."

"Why did you call PJ?"

"Phil's being Phil."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Phil wants to be a father...no don't tell him that, he'll never shut up!"

"What? What is it?"

"..."

"What?! Please tell me."

"...he says we should name the child Luke so that we can always say 'Luke, I am your father.'"

"YES! PEEJ, YOU'RE A GENIUS!"

"...I thought you were my friend, Pj."

"WE CAN GET TWO BOYS AND NAME THEM DIL AND LUKE!"

"Oh my god. Goodbye, Pj. I'm going to go jump in front of traffic."

"Dan, wait! Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad, just annoyed."

"I'm sorry. I'll shut up."

"Thank you."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"That crib was pretty cute though."

"Phil, we are not getting a kid. We can hardly classify as adults. Why do you want one so badly anyway?"

"It'd just be...nice, you know, to have a little Dan running around the house."

"No, if they'd be like anyone, they'd be like you. A literal ray of sunshine."

"But a little you would be ten times better than a little me. You're easier to handle."

"Phil, if we had a little Dan running around, first off, he wouldn't be running. He'd be crying in a corner of his all black room."

"We would not paint his room all black."

"If he was a little me, he'd insist on it."

"His walls could be a light shade of grey."

"..."

"I know what you're thinking. Reference the novel. I dare you."

"How many shades? Because I'd like 50."

"I'm done with you, Dan."

"You set it up!"

"On accident! All I said was a light shade of-oh I'm not doing this again."

"I was thinking we could go 50 shades darker."

"Ff..allingthroughspace"

"Your censorship skills are astronomical, Phil."

"You know what else is astronomical?"

"What?"

"That crib."

"Omg. Are you joking."

"..."

"..."

"Wait, where are you going now?"

"To go buy that fucking crib."

"Yay!!"

"Don't even start with me, Phil Lester."

"I love you!"

"Fuck you."

"C'mon, you love me. You know you do."

"Yes, I love you. But you owe me Attack on Titan throw pillows."

"Deal."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Thank you, have a nice day, gentlemen!"

"You too!"

"..."

"..."

"Phil."

"Yes?"

"Where the fuck are we going to put this."

"We don't need a guest room."

"We don't have a guest room."

"We don't need separate bedrooms."

"That was the smoothest shit you've ever said, oh my god."

"Smooth enough to pull off Phil Striker?"

"Not even close."

"...aw."

"Don't be too upset. I think Phil Lester is the smoothest guy alive."

"Dan."

"Yes?"

"Your fanboy is showing."

"Fuck."

"Well, since you are number one Phil trash, I guess it's inevitable."

"Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"I love you!"

"I love you too, dork. Now let's get rearranging."


	2. Grocery Shopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smutt content. Implied, at least.

"Okay, Phil. We're only going to get potatoes, milk, and bread."

"Dan, you know that never happens with us..."

"It will today! Come on."

"Whatever you say, Danny."

\---

"Dan let's get cereal."

"We have cereal. We came for potatoes, milk and bread."

"But I'm tired of that cereal."

"Potatoes. Milk. And bread."

"..."

"I see you eyeing the candy aisle! No!"

"Pleeeease..."

"Potatoes. Milk. And bread!"

"They've got kinder eggs."

"...just one time I want to buy what we came for..."

\---

"DAN! THE SOCKS ARE ON SALE!"

"Phil, no-"

"The sock goblins always steal mine!"

"Phi-"

"Deaaaaaan. These are already mixed match."

"Goddamn it."

\---

"Phil I see leather jackets."

"Daniel no."

"But Phil they are right there."

"I had to give up the giraffe socks."

"But you got the fox sweater."

"Why it is always leather with you? Leather and black. Black and leather. Your personality isn't bad enough for that look. You're a literal meme."

"Phil, please. My other jacket is worn out!"

"Dan, you're wearing it. It looks literally brand new."

"No it doesn't!"

"Potatoes, milk, and bread, remember? Now come on! We must go to the other side of the store!"

"..."

"Don't pout at me. Doesn't a worn out jacket add to the 'dark, broody' thing you're going for?"

"I suppose it does. Okay. To the other side of the store."

\---

"oH MY GOD DAN."

"Wha- oh no."

"LOOK AT ALL THE BABY CLOTHES."

"Phil, no. Come on."

"THEY'RE SO TINY! WE CAN GET IT FOR THE BABY CRIB!"

"Jesus Christ, we are not going through this again."

\---

"So...Phil...I'm not saying that I agree to buying baby clothes, but if we did...the Pooh shirt is really really cute."

"ISN'T IT?! LET'S SPLURGE AND GET IT. IT'S TOO CUTE TO PASS UP. WE CAN GET IT FOR DIL!"

"Phil, be quiet! You're making people look..."

"I DONT CARE THEY'RE JUST JEALOUS"

"Also Dil is a Sim. We are not naming a child after a Sim."

"But whyyyyyy?! It's not like you have any better names!"

"Literally any name that isn't our Sim's name is better."

"Fine. We'll name him Susan."

"You know what? I can live with that."

"Yay! We're gonna have a boy named Susan!"

"Whatever you say, Phil."

"Now! Onward to the potatoes, milk, and bread!"

"Finally!! It's been thirty minutes."

\---

"Are you boys ready to check ou-"

"NO! PHIL, COME ON!"

"But Dan! The candy!"

"Jesus fucking hell, we need to go home! We already have more than we came for!"

"Excuse me, boys, could you keep your voices dow-"

"It is not that much more!"

"We have a FUCKING CLOSET FULL OF CLOTHES. SOME OF THEM FOR INFANTS THAT WE DONT HAVE."

"BUT WE CAN GET THEM!"

"PHILIP! WE CAN'T EVEN KEEP YOUR HOUSE PLANTS ALIVE!"

"BUT THAT'S DIFFERENT!"

"Yeah one's a plant, the other is a SENTIENT LIFE FORM THAT WE WILL GO JAIL FOR AFTER IT DIES. "

"Excuse me, but you two will have to come with me."

"Forget it! I'm leaving anyway!"

"Dan, wait."

"WHAT, PHIL?"

"I'm sorry."

"..."

"..."

"Don't cry, Phil. You know I can't take it when you cry."

"I didn't mean to make you mad."

"I overreacted Phil, come here. I'm sorry. It's okay."

"..."

"Um, sir, I'm sorry to interrupt, but is he okay?"

"BACK OFF HE'S IN A SENSITIVE STATE"

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Wanna go home and cuddle? I'll make you hot chocolate?"

"Yeah."

"Just let me pay for these things, okay?"

"Mhm."

"I'm sorry about yelling in the store, ma'am...would you be willing to check this stuff out for me?"

"Yeah, sure. You know, you're very sweet to your boyfriend. Wish mine acted a little more like that."

"He's not my...oh what the hell. He's the special one. I'm just treating him like he deserves."

"That's adorable. I really hope you two have a wonderful day."

"Thank you, you too."

"..."

"Phil?"

"Did you just tell her we were together?"

"Um...well, not exactly. I mean, we're not together but we're not not together. I mean everyone always thinks we are and it's tiring to explain and-"

"We could be together."

"P-Phil... Did you just..?"

"I mean. Maybe."

"Oh my god. Are you being serious? Please tell me you're being serious because you can't play with my feelings like this, Phil. Phil, please tell me that you're not joking because I couldn't handle tha-"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Holy fuck. Phil Lester just kissed me."

"In case I was unclear, I'm not joking."

"Yeah. No kidding."

"So..?"

"Okay."

"Okay as in yes?"

"Do I really have to confirm that?"

"Indeed you do."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Holy fuck Phil Lester just kissed me again."

"You're a dork."

"Your dork, now."

"Yeah, I can definitely work with that."

"Well that's good. Cuz now you're stuck with me."

"I've been stuck with you ever since I replied to you. I don't wanna hear it."

"That was your choice."

"The best choice I've ever made."

"..."

"Oh my...toast...Dan Howell kissed  me."

"Yep, and he's gonna do it again."

"Okay, we need to stop kissing in public before a fan sees us."

"Okay, then lets hurry home because I have some things in mind I wanna do to you."

"Also the groceries. We need to put away the groceries."

"Fuck the groceries."

"Oh, for a second there I thought we'd be fucking each other."

"...did Phil Lester just cuss? That's really hot. Like 'How am I gonna make it home' kinda hot."

"Keep it together, Danny. You haven't seen me in bed yet."

"...oh my god I'm not going to survive."

"I suppose we'll have to wait and see, won't we love?"

"D-did you just smack my bum? Oh my god fucking hell nope we need to do this now."

"Patience love."

"Sometimes, I hate you. You know that right?"

"And its only going to get worse."

"...not the neck..."

"Wait. Is that why you don't like your neck being touched?"

"..."

"Oh my god! Your weak spot is your neck!"

"Shut up Phil. I bet you have a weak spot."

"Nope."

"Well, let's see. Neck?"

"...you finished?"

"Chest?"

"...attractive, but I'm not weak."

"Waist?"

"No sir, that's just romantic."

"...hips?"

"Well that's not fair when you're pressing against them like tha–oh. Let's get home. Right now."

"I'm down for that idea."

"You'll be down on your knees in front of me the second that door closes. Hurry up, Bear."

"Okay, I'm not making it home."

"What are you doing? Is that a hotel?"

"Yep. I'm going to be like a cliche horny teenager and fuck you in a hotel room. Now let's go."

"Dan the grocer–you are tugging on my belt."

"Yes."

"That is very very hot."

"Yes."

"Do we even need to get out of the car?"

"Maybe, maybe not."

"Can we just stay in here because I am sooOOO- fucking hell, Dan! And you said you never been with a guy! A mouth this skilled has to have been at least a few times."

"I've had my fair share."

"Okay, that's it. We're doing this whole thing right here in this car."

"I can work with that. Move to the back."

"..."

"..."

"Oh...oh god, Dan. OOH GOD. Keep doing that. Keep–oh shit. Oh shit. Dan. Dan! DAN! Dan I'm gonna–I'm gonna cu–oooooooh GOD FUCK FUCK YES DAN YES SHIT OH MY GOD"

"Jesus! Oh my gOD FUCK. PHIL!"

"..."

"..."

"Did we just fuck in the back of a car?"

"Yupp."

"For our first time together?"

"Yupp."

"Jeez. We're just like a bunch of horny teenagers."

"And you do have a potty mouth just as bad as me!"

"Shut up."

"Nope. Phil Lester has a potty mouth."

"And you fucking love it, baby."

"...we may be in this parking lot for a while."

"Why don't we get home first? It'll be more comfortable."

"Okay, let's just get there then."

"Eager much, Daniel?"

"I've waited 6 years for this, Philip. You really think I'm going to be waiting any longer?"

"We just did it in the back of a car."

"Oh that was just the beginning. Now I'm gonna make up for every time I pictured you. Every time I wished I had you. Now we're gonna fuck each other senseless until we forget our own names."

"Drive before I decide to ride you right here and now."

"I have no objections to that, actually."

"Yeah, but I'd rather not show you my dominate side yet."

"Holy shit, what? You have a dom side?"

"Oh hell yeah I do. Would you like to see it firsthand?"

"...f-fuck yes, Phil."

"Let's get home then.

\---

"Fuck me please.."

"Bedroom. Now, Dan."

"Yes Phil."

"Now lay down for me."

"You're so pretty, Dan. You know that, right?"

"Stop, no I'm not."

"You're always so insecure about yourself when you're perfect."

"Phil..."

"Nope perfect. See right here? Your shoulders are perfect. The dimple when you smile? Beyond perfect. Those beautiful brown eyes...god. The most perfect thing I've ever seen."

"You don't look in many mirrors, so you?"

"...see. You're come backs just make you that much more perfect."

"I'm not perfect, but whatever."

"Dan...please believe me."

"I don't think I can. But I like who I am a little more around you."

"That will do for now, but I'm making it my job to make you believe me."

"Whatever you say."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Hey, Phil?"

"Yeah, Dan?"

"Did we put the milk in the fridge?"

"...We did not put the milk in the fridge. But maybe we can still save it. Go!"

"Wait Phil it's probably spoiled!"

"Save the miiiiilk!"

"Phil!"

"..."

"..."

"Ow!"

"Phil.. You okay?"

"...I should really start pushing cabinet doors closed..."

"Jesus Christ Phil what am I going to do with you?"

"...keep me forever. Or put me in one of those giant inflatable hamster balls!"

"Those won't fit in this apartment Phil."

"Darn... But, uh. Dan?"

"Yes?"

"...we need new milk..."

"Damn it not this again. Well we can't go back to that store. We were just there."

"Wanna just get coffee?"

"Hell yeah."


	3. Moods.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is in a mood and approaches Phil about it.

"Phil."

"Yes, Dan?"

"I'm in a mood."

"Oh? Why?"

"Let's make out."

"One of those moods, then. In a minute, I'm editing."

"Phiiiiiiiil. That can wait. Plez."

"Daniel. Patience."

"But I wanna make out with someone and you're the only one who would be willing."

"Glad to know our make out sessions have such a special place in your heart. Now the more you whine the longer this will take."

"Phil! You're being mean."

"Am not. You're being childish."

"I help you out when you're in one of your moods!"

"I don't come to you when you're editing!"

"Because you never get this way when I'm editing!"

"As far as you know! I'm polite enough to wait."

"Phil! Pleeeeeaaaaase?"

"I'm tempted to say no just to irritate you."

"Fine. I'll just go call Peej and convince him to."

"...well. Okay then. Tell him I said hello."

"Hmph..."

"Just as I thought. I'll be five more minutes tops, I promise."

"Fiiiiiiine. I'll be in my blankety womb when you're done."

"To be perfectly honest, I finished about 10 minutes ago. It's just fun watching you squirm. Now, your mood needs attending to?"

"You're a dick. That's what you are."

"Mmmhmm. You would be the expert."

"You learn it from the best, don't you?"

"Yeah. So, how can I help this mood of yours?"

"How do you think, Philip."

"Well, I supposed I could start by kissing you like this."

"Mmm. That's a good start."

"And then I could pull you close to me like this."

"You're warm."

"You're hot."

"Says the one."

"You know, for someone really eager to kiss me, you talk a lot."

"Well then why don't you just shut me up, then?"

"I intend to."

"Do it, then."

"On the couch. Now."

"Oooo. Demanding Phil. Too bad I have to go call BBC back."

"Couch. Now."

"But I should reaaaally go call them back. I told them I would."

"They can wait. It'd help them learn some patience."

"But you know how they get, babe."

"And you know how I get, babe."

"Mmm. You get pretty rough, don't you? When I make you wait."

"Ahh revenge. How mature of you, Dan."

"You love it."

"Piss off."

"Aww, did I make little Philly upset?"

"...what did you call me?"

"Philly."

"Don't call me that, Danny."

"And why not, Philly?"

"Because firstly, that nickname isn't at all sexy. It's like reminding me of Philly cheese steak. Secondly, because I can and will walk away and you can go cry about your boner to BBC."

"Whatever you say. What would you like to be called then, hot stuff."

"Phil Striker."

"I literally hate you."

"You should, I'm a mess."

"No you're not! I am! You're a hot mess. You're not that much of a mess, though."

"Babe, we're both hot. Let's be real."

"True. Now, can you help me by using your hotness?"

"Absolutely, dear."

"Thank you.

\----

"Well, that was interesting."

"That would be an understatement... I'm hungry."

"Shall we go eat?"

"Yes food."

"Your such a dork, Phil."

"And you aren't?"

"Touché."

"So, what shall we eat?"

"Uhm. You pick."

"Let's go somewhere random."

"Okay, you lead the way."


	4. Cereal Eating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Lowkey make out sessions. And FLUFF.

"Philip."

"Daniel."

"Did you eat my cereal again?"

"...no."

"Philip."

"I didn't! It was the sock goblin."

"Philip."

"...stop giving me that look, it feels like you can see un my soul."

"Did you eat my cereal?"

"...yeah, I ate your cereal."

"You get to go buy me more."

"You know what else we can buy? Ornaments for the rave tree!"

"We have enough ornaments, Phil."

"Then what about the rest of the house? Our stockings are beaten up."

"I like our stockings. We aren't getting new ones. PJ and Chris gave them to us."

"Then can we get one of those little village kits? Please?"

"Phil, where are we going to put that? We have things everywhere already!"

"We can rearrange."

"The only place we might have enough room is in the room where we put the crib for the baby wE DON'T EVEN HAVE. And if we put it in there, no one will see it because we don't let people in there."

"Then it will be our secret village."

"You're a dork, you know that?"

"Excuse you Mr. Phil Trash #1, my dorkiness never seemed to bother you before."

"I'm not saying it bothers me. It's cute."

"Heck yeah its cute. So... Village?"

"As cute as you are, no."

"I'll pout."

"Don't do that."

"I will. Don't make me use the puppy dog eyes, Daniel."

"Phil, don't you dare."

"..."

"I'm not falling for it this time. We're not getting the kit."

"..."

"Nope..."

"..."

"It's not happening....."

"..."

"Fucking hell, fine. We'll get the village, just stop pouting. You're too cute for your own good, Jesus."

"Yayyyyyyyy!!!!! Dan, your heart grew 3 sizes today."

"All this because I wanted more cereal. Let's go pick out a goddamn village."

"Nah the village would have happened anyway. Your cereal is a bonus."

"...I hate you."

"Watch out there, Mr. Grinch."

"You're the Grinch."

"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch..."

"Please don't."

"If I knew the rest of the words, I'd continue. But since I don't, you lucked out this time."

"Good."

"But there are still more carols..."

"No, please no."

"Oh the weather outside is frightful..."

"Phil."

"And the fire is delightful...

"Philip."

"But since we've got no place to go..."

"Philip Michael Lester. I swear to god."

"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."

"Oh my god, I'll just make you shut up then."

"Oh?"

"Are you gonna shut up or do I have to kiss you?"

"....It doesn't show any signs of stopping..."

"Fine. Come here."

"This has become a good day for me."

"Shut up, you still owe me cereal."

"Whatever you say, Dan. Kiss me now."

"Will you get me cereal?"

"Yessss."

"Good. We can go get that stuff later."

"And what do you suggest we do in the meantime?"

"Hmm. I don't know. We can either watch the rest of that Anime or we can just make out for a while."

"I believe we can multitask."

"Are we capable of that?"

"If not, there's a rewind button for a reason, now isn't there?"

"Touché. Shall we then?"

"We shall."

"You taste good. What have been eating?"

"Your cereal."

"Oh my god. I hate you so much."

"You asked."

"I pick some really good cereal then. Maybe you should start eating it more often."

"Maybe I should. And maybe you should wear cologne more often."

"And whys that?"

" "Because you smell incredible and I love it. A little too much, really."

"Maybe I will."

"Good. Maybe we should stop talking so much. Distracts from the make out session."

"True true. But your voice when we're in these situations is always really attractive."

"Well...if you want me to keep talking, Daniel, then I suppose I'll comply."

"Please do. You're hot, you know?"

"Hot enough to be Phil Striker?"

"Hotter."

"Really? Hotter than Phil Striker? That doesn't sound possible Dan."

"It is because Phil Lester is the hottest person I know."

"You haven't looked in many mirrors, have you?"

"I have. But you're always next to me and I get distracted."

"See this is what I mean you're too smooth."

"As smooth as your weenis?"

"Smoother."

"That's pretty hard to beat."

"But you did, because you're amazing."

"You're even more AmazingPhil."

"Wow, and you say my jokes are bad."

"Shush, it was funny!"

"I mean...yes. But still. That was an uncle joke, Dan."

"Maybe I'll be good at dad jokes then."

"Oh you definitely will, we'll both be king-wait. Dan, what are you saying?"

"What do you mean what am I saying? I'm not saying anything. Hahaha ha. Ha."

"Dan. That wasn't nothing. Tell me!"

"Imayormaynothavemadeanappointmenttolookatbabies?"

"YoumeanwearegonnabeparentsIwellohmygodareyousureaboutthis?"

"I dunno, are we? We have all the things for it. We have clothes and the crib and everything?"

"But we don't have the house baby proofed and what about tours? We travel all the time. We'll have to look for a house. And Dan. This is just a little baby. Do we want to bring them into our kind of lifestyle? I mean, we share a good amount of information online. How will this kid have a normal life?"

"...I may or may not have been looking at houses with Zoe for the past like. Month because of this?"

"Excuse you sir where was I for all of this? And oh my god did you find any good ones?"

"I was wanting to wait until your birthday to tell you! It just happened one day. Zoe brought up how she wanted children and I said that I did too and then we got on the topic of adoption and we were talking about if you would want one and I said I thought you did and then we got really excited about it and we made an appointment to go see the babies on your birthday and then we started looking for new houses and I'm sorry."

"Sorry? I'm so excited I could kiss you!"

"Really?"

"Really."

"I was doubting that you would want to get little baby Dan and Phil's."

"Of course we wouldn't have little Dan's and Phil's. That's not original at all. We'd have baby Susan's and Dil's or whatever names you want. Just so long as they're healthy and happy. And as long as they have you and me to call as dads, they will be."

"We're actually gonna do the thing."

"We are. We're actually gonna do the thing."

"Phil. We're doing the thing."

"A magical, crazy, brilliant thing."

"I kinda love you."

"I kinda love you more."

"I beg to differ."

"Nope, overruled. I love you to infinity. Ha, I win."

"You dork, I love you."

"I love you too."

"I just have one more thing to say..."

"What is it, babe?"

"STOP EATING MY CEREAL WITHOUT ASKING."


	5. Apartment Shopping?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set up different at first bc it was how the conversation came to be. (:

But can we just talk about Dan and Phil going apartment shopping together really quick.

Yes, we can talk about them apartment shopping. That would be really adorable, just imagine them like critiquing kitchens. Or appliance shopping. Omg. 

Like. Can we just. I can picture them walking into one that they previously lived in and Dan just stopped the second he walks in after Phil and he has this really big smile on his face because he just feels the straight up hominess of the apartment and Phil would realize Dan wasn't following and he'd stop and turn around and kinda cock his head to the side a bit questioning and Dan just going "I think this is it, Phil."

Yaaaaaaaas. Or let's have them looking at kitchens (because nothing says domestic like kitchens) and they're just bickering about backsplashes and accent colors and refrigerators holy shit feels

Or them walking into the master bedroom and the person just telling them that the room had a bathroom and they just stop and look at each other and they just both start going "I CALL IT!" "NO I CALL IT!" at the same time and the person just has to laugh.

It'd be even better if both bedrooms had a bathroom but the person just couldn't help but watch these two silly internet boys bicker about a jacuzzi tub.

Yes please. Can this happen.

The fun part is that there is a (albeit however small) chance that it may have happened. Because they have bought an apartment together. 

Right!!!  
Like. I just. Can we just think, what if they only worked on one room one day because they wanted to get at least one done, and that leaves them with only one bed and they're standing in the room with the bed in it and Dan looks at Phil and is like "I don't know about you, but I'm not sleeping on the floor." And walks to the bed and gets and is hanging off the other side of the bed bc he's plugging in his phone to the charger and he feels the bed dip before he's being pulled backward and Phil is like "I'm not sleeping down there either when there's a perfectly good bed with a Bear in it."

"Careful Phil, Bears are pretty wild."

"That's what I'm counting on."

NEW APARTMENT SEX.

NEW APARTMENT SWEATY FROM MOVING FURNITURE AROUND SEX.

"Ew, Phil, you smell gross! Get off me!"

"You never mind when I'm sweaty when you're moaning under me!"

"That is a different kind of sweat and you know it now go shower!"

"Unless you join me, I don't think so"

"Fuck off!"

"I'll stink up your room if you don't shower with me."

"Phil, I'm serious."

"I can be the Lupin to your Sirius."

"Oh my god, Phil."

"So, are you gonna join me?"

"...I dunno. What's in it for me?"

"Me. I'm in...well, in you anyway. So what do you say?"

"Tempting, if I do say so myself."

"Tempting enough to make you agree?"

"Yes, yes it is. Go get the water running."

"Who said you can tell me what to do?"

"Because obviously you're getting in the shower because I told you to."

"Yeah, but I also got you to shower with me."

"Yeah well I'm comfy right now so I figure my very strong sexy man could make us a nice hot steamy shower."

"Only if my beautiful Daniel provides some decent foreplay."

"Hey! I'm always good at foreplay!"

"Dan, you know you suck at it."

"That's because I literally suck, which you love."

"...Jesus, I'll go run the damn water if it gets us in there faster. I'm losing patience."

"When you do, you should come back here and carry me there."

"Why should I do that?"

"Because it was your idea...and I could make this very worthwhile for you."

"Oh really? How?"

"Oh, you know. I could do that one thing you like. You know. That one thing."

"Wow, Dan. Very convincing."

"I can see by the strain of your jeans that it is convincing. Don't you want to get those off? Feel the sting of hot water down your back as I do the one thing that never fails to drive you crazy?"

"Fuck it. Just fuck it. Shower. Now."

"And what if I don't?"

"Jesus Christ, Dan. You're trying to drag this out, aren't you?"

"Oh hell yeah...it's so much fun watching you struggle. You get a little power crazy. I like to put you in your place once in a while."

"Damn you, Dan. You're killing me."

"Sometimes, I think you just get a bit too power crazy. You need to be put back in place. Even if that place happens to be standing in front of me, all hot and bothered just from me talking to you."

"Fucking hell..."

"I guess we can come to some arrangement, but you're going to have to work for it."

"Are you fucking serious, Dan? Why are you torturing me like this?"

"Because you said I sucked at foreplay, so I'm making you pay."

"Oh my god."

"You can start by apologizing."

"I'm s-sorry, Dan. You're the foreplay king."

"I'm sorry, maybe a little more enthusiasm?"

"I mean, yes Dan, please let me carry you."

"I'm sorry, maybe a little more enthusiasm?"

"I mean, yes Dan, please let me carry you."

"Good good. Now now."

"Oh my jeez. Dan, can you at least stand up? So I can properly pick you up?"

"Fine. I suppose....there, shall that do, Phillip?"

"Yes, your majesty, that will do."

"doNT DROP ME OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

"Dan, stop flailing or I will!"

"I AM GoiNG TO dIE"

"I'd never let you die."

"Aww, that was cute."

"You're cute."

"You're cuter."

"You're cutest."

"Kay, can I maybe suck you off now?"

"And you're back. But yes, you may."

"About time. But we probably should shower, we're really gross and I'm getting cold."

"Alright, come on then. But you better suck me off in there."

"I will."

"Now, get your cute butt in there."

"Yes sir!"

"It's nice to have you back."

"Shush."

"Okay, okay."

"Shut the door."

"Alright, you run the water."

"If I run it, our flesh will be burning."

"That is true. I will never understand how you shower with such hot water."

"What can I say, I like it hot."

"Dan you've got to stop saying things like that or this will be over before it starts."

"You love me."

"I do, sadly."

"Alright, shut up and run the water. I'll get undressed."

"No, no, stay right there. I'll do it."

"Oh? Is little Philly finally trying to be dominate again?"

"I don't have to try. You'll submit to me so easily."

"I-I don't submit easily."

"Aww, it's fun to see you try to dominate. Trust me, I'm in charge."

"No you're not!"

"Are you sure about that, Daniel?"

"Of course I'm su-oh god, what are you doing? Don't stop, don't stop."

"And that's how a little nibble on the neck turned the big bad Dan Howell into putty in my hands."

"F-fuck. No, I-I'm in ch-fuck, Phil."

"You're cute when you try to act tough, Danny Boy. Shall we move to the shower?"

"Fuck yes, please."

"Alright, just remember what you promised you'd do for me."

"Anything for you."

"Good, good."

"Turn up the water a little hotter...yeah that's good, that's perfect."

"Now, seeing that you put me through all that payback bullshit, I say you need to get on your knees."

"I don't think you'll ever not taste amazing."

"I'm glad you like it because holy fuck, Dan, how are you even that good."

"Babe I'm a wizard, what can I say? Alright, now I want to be in charge for a second here. It's my turn. Stroke me."

"Alright, I'll humor you."

"And I don't understand how you're so good with your hands."

"I've told you before, I've had a bit of practice in college."

"Shh I don't want to hear that I'm the only one for you ever now kiss me."

"You'll like what I learned. Like this little trick..."

"Shit fuck! What the hell, what did you- oh my god."

"Told you."

"Okay, so maybe I should've finished uni after all."

"Nah, I like you pure. That way I can make you my filthy boy myself."

"Yeah, true. I like finding out different ways you can use your tongue."

"Do you now?"

"Oh yeah. It's always exciting."

"Well, the night is still young."

"Then let's stop talking and make use of it, shall we?"

"I'm okay with that."

"Oh go-oh god, Phi-Phil-PHIILL sweet Jesus do that again do that don't stop don't stop mmm baby yes that's so good."

"That's not even the best trick I learned."

"Fucking hell, I want to know aLL OF THEM HOLY SHIT."

"So vocal, I love it."

"Phil, you're a sex god holy fuck. Teach me everything you know until I can't walk ever again."

"A little eager, aren't we?"

"Fuck you. No. Actually, fuck me. Please."

"That's what I'm doing, sweetheart."

"Keep going, keep going please."

"Whatever you say, love."

"PhilPhilPhilPhil."

"Fuck."

"I want to do this for you. Show me what to do."

"I don't know, you seem pretty tired."

"I am, but you need to finish too."

"Dan, sweets, you don't even seem like you can stand up on your own."

"I don't have to stand. Just get on my knees. I want to do this for you."

"Why don't we save that for a very private, dirty lesson? Maybe tomorrow. All this sex we just had will have me daydreaming. Plus it's laundry day. You know how I am on days like that. I'll be dry humping the wall. Let me teach you then."

"Mmm okay. That'd be a sight."

"Wouldn't you like to see that? Now, let's get to bed because I can tell you're about to pass out."

"I can't help it. You're just so good, Phil, you fuck me senseless."

"I'm glad I can help. Now, bed."

"Fine. I want cuddles, though."

"You'll get them. Just give me a few minutes."

"Alright, but I'll be waiting."

"I know. Do you need help getting to bed?"

"Uhm. Nah. I'll get there."

"Alright."

"Umm...Phil? I think I fell."

"Alright, I've got you baby."

"Well you're pretty all the time."

"Alright, bedtime."

"Goodnight, Philip."

"Goodnight, Bear."

"I love you, you know."

"I love you too."

"Okay, good."

"Now, go to sleep, Dan."

"Alright....Phil I can't sleep."

"It's been three seconds."

"But you're not in bed."

"I will be in like. Five minutes."

"What could possibly take that long?"

"..."

"Phiiiiiil. What could take tha- oh. OH YEAH."

"You're such a dork."

"I can't sleep if I'm thinking about you doing that."

"So don't think about it."

"But you're sexy and I'm sleepy and you doing that is really hot."

"Dan, I'll be right back."

"I don't want to wait until tomorrow. I want to learn now."

"We can't do it now. We're both tired and worn out."

"But I have to go places tomorrow."

"Yeah, and I'll be waiting for you to get back and maybe you'll walk in on me doing something."

"Like the something you're about to do?"

"What else would I be doing waiting for my sexy boyfriend to get home, with all these images of him sweaty with water dripping down his shoulders and stomach, screaming my name."

"Phiiiiil."

"Yes?"

"You're not helping me fall asleep. In fact, I think I'm wide awake and ready for round two."

"Dan, we did a lot just now. We should take a break."

"But Phil, I can see you're still UP for it. Ha ha get it? Up for it? Because you're still hard?"

"Oh my god."

"You know, I'm pretty UP for it myself. Let me make you feel good, Phillip."

"Dan..."

"Come on, Philly. I know you want me to."

"Yes, but I know you're tired."

"It doesn't have to be as crazy as last time. I'll tell you if we need to stop. Please?"

"I can't take advantage of you when you're like this."

"Phiiiiil. I'm okay with it."

"Dan, no. Last time this happened, you thought everything was a dream."

"A really fucking awesome dream."

"Dan. No."

"And I got off to memories of it for days afterwards."

"No."

"To the memories of you thrashing on top of me in that hotel room."

"Stop it."

"Of you groaning and telling .e how good I felt and looked, but really, you looked amazing. Your hair fall in front of your face like it was. That look in your eyes."

"Dan, I swear to God."

"The scent of sex in the air, with you all sweaty and hot."

"That's enough, okay? Go to sleep."

"The gasps coming out of your mouth when you were getting close."

"Daniel James Howell."

"The way you shuddered when you climaxed."

"Daniel I will call a priest and rid you of your sin."

"The look on your face of pure pleasure as you came. I love it so much."

"..."

"The sweet nothings you told me afterward, when we were a pile of tangle limbs in the sheets"

"..."

"Yeah, that was a pretty awesome ass dream."

"You fucker..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger bc when we texted this, she had to go to bed due to having work the next day. I apologize! But I hope you liked it!


	6. A Falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a cute angsty thing we came up with today. (: Sorry for not updating in forever. Hope you all like it!

We could possibly do drama between the two? Like.  
They've been together since Dan was in middle school, Phil being a year above him. And they go through high school being known as the cutest couple ever that never has any problems and its obvious that they're pretty sexually active because of the scratches on Phil's shoulder and the hickies that litter Dan's neck.  
But it's about halfway Dan's Junior year and Phil's senior year when things at Dan's family life starts going downhill and so he's always on edge because Adrian was diagnosed with depression, and his parents are always fighting and have told him they were getting a divorce. And then Phil keeps ignoring him because there's a new student and even though Phil claims that "I'm just befriending him, Jesus Christ, Dan." Dan can't get the feeling that Phil is cheating on him. And one night, it's particularly bad in his house. Adrian being gone at a friend's, but his parents screaming at each other and Dan until Dan is running out of the door and down the road and to Phil's house. And he sees Phil's light on, so he climbs up the side of the house where Phil always leaves a ladder for Dan and he looks in the open window and finds Phil on top of that new boy, kissing him.

And Dan, he just stares, his body going numb. He doesn't cry. He doesn't yell. He reaches in the window, which is above Phil's desk, and grabs an open pen before writing "We're done. -Dan." On the desk itself and he climbed down the ladder and decides to just walk, trying to get the image out of his head somehow.

He chooses to go somewhere quiet, so he walks into a coffee shop. Of course, he and Phil had been in here before, but it'd be tough to find somewhere they hadn't ventured. Luckily, the memories here aren't particularly strong. He tries to look around, see if he can get his mind off of Phil by checking out one of the cute cashiers. But even though Phil was the one who broke what they had, it still felt like betrayal.

And he would sit down at a table after ordering his favorite drink and his phone would start ringing, only to see that it was his mother. And he would answer it and let her know that he was okay, he just needed to go out. That he would be back later on that night. And once she okayed everything, they hung up. And his phone would ring again. And this time, it would be Phil. And though, he didn't want to answer it, he did. And he listened to the pleading. "Dan, please. I made a mistake, okay? I'm really fucking sorry. I'm so fucking sorry and i can't express that enough." And Dan would just listen and listen as Phil goes on and on and he sips on his coffee before he just simple goes "Okay." Not an okay that says "Oh, it's okay!" No, it's just an okay to show he acknowledged everything he said.

"Dan, I don't know what happened exactly and I was going to tell you, and I'm not going to hide from it now. But I love you, okay? I love you and only you. I can't begin to explain where this all started. I just--I know things are hard for you and I didn't want to bother you and I was feeling alone and--" Dan hung up, livid. He had half a mind to go to Phil's house right now and make it clear just how alone he was going to feel after pulling his little stunt.

But he sat there, at that table, livid and suddenly, he was crying. He wasn't sure if he was crying out of anger or stress or sadness, but he was. And it wasn't a subtle cry, no. It was one of those ugly, loud crying. And his phone was ringing again and again because Phil kept calling and calling, but he refused to answer. He just didn't understand. How is that even remotely fair? Dan felt lonely too, but that didn't mean he could go fuck anyone because Phil wasn't giving him any. Dan felt beyond stressed and angry and upset because none of this was fair whatsoever.

And somewhere far away, there was Phil, sitting alone in his bedroom (the new boy had left), crying because he felt manipulated. He never wanted to be with the new guy, he just wanted to be his friend. But that friendship turned toxic quickly, and it almost seemed like overnight Marcus (the new kid) was acting differently. He fixated on Dan a lot, talking badly about him. Sometimes Marcus would threaten Dan to Phil's face and it always bothered him. Marcus had been trying to convince Phil that Dan wasn't healthy for him. He didn't know what was healthy for him anymore. Not Marcus, who had pulled Phil into him and kissed him. Not Dan, who wouldn't hear him out, who kept him up all night when his parents were fighting but never returned the favor when Phil was upset.

And Dan knew he should probably go home, but then he would have to explain what he was crying for and he wasn't up for that. So, he got up and left because he knew they were closing and even though he could hardly see, he felt calm suddenly. And he found himself texting his little brother, telling him what had happened. And he went to a park. The park where Phil officially asked him out at when he was in eighth grade. And he sat there and remembered exactly how happy he felt because his best friend finally asked him out. And he was laying on the slide and he found himself falling asleep because really, all he wanted to do was disappear just for a little while. And maybe, he would. Maybe he would run away. Just for a little while.

Adrian found him there after an hour, sleeping on the all too small playground slide. He shook his brother awake, led him to the bench and made him tell him everything. For once, Adrian was trying to do what Dan always did for him and listen.

And when Dan didn't go to school that next day, Phil's mind began to race. He knew how bad Dan could get when he was upset, but then again, when he was on the phone with him, he sounded so calm. Maybe he wanted to break up? The thought alone killed Phil. He tried texting him, but he got no reply. He spammed him with texts throughout the day before finally, right after school, he called him. And a raspy, broken voice answered. It sounded as if he had just got beat up. "What?" Dan answered.  
"Oh my god, are you okay? Why weren't you at school? I thought you died or something!" Phil would rush out, hoping to god that maybe they could keep this conversation up long enough for him to explain. And Dan would stay silent for a minute or two before whispering "I got sick." And Phil's heart shattered right then and there because Dan was lying. He always knew when Dan lied because he would lie so much to his parents when Phil was around, but he never lied to Phil. Not once in his life did he lie to Phil. And he did and Phil felt the world caving in.

"Dan listen to me I know you're lying. Let me explain, please let me explain I didn't want to kiss him I didn't mean to kiss him, he made me kiss him Dan, it felt wrong it all felt wrong it was nothing like you--" Phil starts to choke up, but he isn't going to cry. This isn't the time or the place. "I'm sorry Dan. I'm so, so sorry."

"I know." Would be all that Dan says, but he doesn't hang up this time. And Phil is trying so hard not to cry because he doesn't know if Dan is accepting his apology or not, but what he doesn't know is that Dan is currently sitting on his bed, tears running down his face as he wills himself to believe Phil. He knows who Marcus is. He's Adrian's friend's older brother. And he knows that it was all Marcus, but he also knows the look of enjoyment on Phil's face as they kissed. He knows it all too well, and that's why he's having such a hard time believing him.

Finally he says, "You haul your ass over here and explain yourself properly. We have a lot to discuss."

And Phil is running faster than he ever had before. And had hung up and he started sprinting. It took him a whole ten minutes of pure sprinting to get to Dan's house. And he was pounding on the door, completely out of breath and sweaty as can be. And Adrian opens the door and he's glaring at Phil, but let's him in and Phil runs down the hall to Dan's bedroom and hes knocking on the door and Dan is still sitting on his bed because he's scared. He wants him to explain, but he also doesn't because he doesn't want to be hurt anymore.

Still, it was too late to turn back now, and so he opened the door. "Phil, I want you to tell me everything that happened. Start to finish, even if--especially if--I'm not going to like it."

And Phil hesitates, but he does. He explains how when Marcus first came, he did think he was attractive. He did want to kiss him at least once. And he explains that he did kiss him one time. But then he goes on to explain that after that, Marcus got carried away. He explained the things he used to say about Dan etc. And he wants to stop talking because Dan is choking back cries and he looks utterly broken, but he doesn't. He keeps going and going, explaining everything that had been happening for the past month. And when he finishes, he's looking away from Dan because he can't see him cry anymore.

"Phil. Why didn't you say something before? This never had to happen, we could have stopped this." Dan realizes as soon as the words are out of his mouth that he's forgiven Phil, mostly. He's referring to them as a team without even thinking about it. And Phil hesitates, but turns to face Dan and said, "You were already miserable. I didn't want to...I thought I was doing the right thing."

"Phil, you're my rock. You were the only thing keeping me from breaking. Me crying is not fully from you. It's a lot of it, yes, but no. It's not all you. And losing you fucking shot my chest because I still don't believe you fully because you claim you didn't like it, but I saw your face, Philly. You had pure enjoyment on it and i think that's what killed me the most because you're the absolute love of my life and I would literally do anything to get you to stay with me, but I'm not letting myself go through with someone cheating on me, even if that means that I have to lose the one person in my life that I honestly have no clue what i would do without." Dan said, biting his lip. He was staring at Phil and he could figure out why he was saying what he was. The words were just flowing out of his mouth.

"Maybe there was some physical enjoyment in the moment. I won't lie, the mechanics of it were fine. But the emotions were all contradictory. I didn't want to be with him but I wanted someone. I wanted you but was that good for me? You have to understand, he was labeling you as this awful toxic person, but I knew better. I knew you weren't hurting me on purpose. But, I wasn't sure if that made it okay to let myself be hurt."

That's when Dan stands up. Phil thinks he's going to leave, but he stands up and he's going through his closet. He bends down and brings out a small box, a ring box. He opens it and suddenly, Phil realizes what it is.  
"This ring. You remember it, don't you? How you begged and begged until you were able to get Martyn and your mom to buy it for me? We weren't even together at the time, yet you still did it. And that was when I knew that no matter what, I wanted you. This ring is a promise on my side. A promise that says no matter what, we will work through it. And that's what we are going to do. I don't think we should get back together right now as much as I want to, but I feel we need to communicate more, Phil. This ring is what is holding us together in my eyes and we need to make it so it's not the only thing holding us together."

Phil nods. "O-Okay. Yeah. Yes! Yes, we--we can do is that, yeah. You're not going to regret this, I promise. I promise I'll spend the rest of my life making this up to you."

And then Phil is graduating. It's been months since they've been together, and Phil is top of his class and Dan is sitting with his family and Phil's. Dan's parents got that divorce, but it's not that bad anymore. Adrian was put on medication. And Phil is sitting in the middle of the arena with the rest of his classmates. And Dan feels so proud at his best friend.  
And Phil's up for his speech.  
"Hello, everyone. This year has probably been one of the most difficult years of my life so far. Not only was it because of the stress of school, but because of personal issues as well. I realized a lot of things this year as I made a lot of mistakes, but honestly, that's life. Sometimes, I think that life itself is a mistake, but then I remember that it's really not. You have to make mistakes to get to where you are in the present and it sucks. It really does, but it works out in the end. I want to say thank you to every one of those who had helped me through these years. And i was to say thank you to my own family and the Howell's. And i want to thank my best friend, Dan. Even though we had a rough time this year, i'm so thankful that we are working through things and are still as close as ever. Thank you all so much. Ill see you all in another life."

And then they're out to dinner to celebrate, and Phil's teasing Dan because he's got another year still, ha loser, and they're happy. They're close and everything is good. Not great, not like it was, but it's good.

And Phil goes off to college and they lose contact a bit, not completely, but they don't talk as often. And Dan is dating a boy named Chris, though it's nothing serious. And Phil is focused on his studies. And it's Dan's graduation and Dan is nothing special. He's not the top of his class, he didn't get any special scholarships, he's just another kid graduating from high school. And his family is there and Phil's parents are as well, though Martyn was unable to go and Phil the same. He and Chris had broken up on a mutual note because Chris really liked their friend PJ. And once they were done, Dan was hugging all his friends goodbye and wishing them all a wonderful life. And he's with his family, and of course his mom is crying. But he hugs Phil's parents and thanks them for being there. And he gets a picture with them. And they all agree to meet at the same restaurant they did for Phil's graduation. And so when they do, everyone is dressed up and Dan is teasing Adrian, laughing with his little brother, when he notices someone sat at the table they were escorted to. And then he realizes who it is and his eyes go wide. "Congrats, Danny." Phil says, standing up.

"You made it!" He stands and brings Phil in for a hug. "I was worried you wouldn't show," he says, laughing. In honesty, he was worried Phil wouldn't even call. Phil gives him an incredulous look and says, "I would never miss my best friend's graduation...dinner. Sorry, my flight was late."

And Dan wouldn't even care. He would just be so happy because he has his family, his second family, and his best friend all with him and he figured that things really couldn't get any better, until Phil stood up toward the end, as if to make a toast, making Dan's face go red because he hated being center of attention.  
"So. Dan has graduated and the last one to go is Adrian, but thankfully we have a few years before that happens." Phil teases and the table laughs. "But I want to explain how absolutely great everything has been. College has been the struggle, not gonna lie, but Dan has been there whenever I get too stressed. Granted, we don't really talk often, but I really hope that is about to change because Dan, I've already asked everyone to help me out with this. And I begged and begged our parents to let it happen and to help me get it because college drains your money. And I think that we've waited long enough." And then Phil is kneeling and Dan's heart is pounding and his eyes are wide.

"Philip you are actually doing this right now is this the part of the dream where I wake up? This is where I wake up, right?"

"No, Dan, you're awake. Would you make me one more promise and--"

"Yes! Yes I will!"

"Dan I didn't even ask yet, I honestly thought you would take more convincing, I had this whole speech prepared...that was actually really easy."

"Go ahead ask me anyway."

"Will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?"

"Never!" Dan yelled, jumping at his best friend, now fiancé, and tackling him. Everyone was clapping and cheering and Dan pulled back and pressed a kiss to Phil's lips, the feeling being better than he remembered. And in the midst of everyone cheering, Dan rests his head against Phil's forehead before whispering "I was wondering when you were going to pop the question."

"Well, to be fair, most people do the whole 'dating' thing first, but I figured we weren't exactly most people."

"Well, technically we did do the whole dating thing. We just didn't keep up with it."

"Ah, that's right. Look at me, I'm already getting old, losing my memory. Soon enough we'll be old geezers like our parents."

"Excuse me young man we heard that!"

And it was in that moment, when Phil slipped the ring onto Dan's finger, right next to the ring he has given him so many years ago, that Dan literally could not be happier.


	7. Ruined Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Suicide mention. Slight talk of suicide attempts. Mentions of self harm.

Dan liked hospitals. Maybe that's weird, but considering his alternative was his own house, the hospital really didn't seem that bad. The walls weren't white, but a pale blue. It was, after all, technically a children's hospital, even if Dan was only a year off from being 18. Even if his problems weren't in any way related to childhood. It was his second ever suicide attempt. He likes this room better than the last. Still, nothing worth staying for.

Not his mom. Not his dad. Not even his brother. He didn't really see any point in stay, honestly. He got picked on at school. Not even the ever so slightly kind of picking, it was full on bullying. No one did anything about it. He felt safe in the hospital, which makes sense, but it sad he says that over his own house.

It's almost sick, but it's a game in Dan's mind. How do you want to die? It's nice to have an actual say in something. The first time, he went about it very dramatically, with a suicide note and slashed across every inch of his skin as he lay in the bath, trying to die either or blood loss or drowning. The second time, he decided to do it simply. The note only said "I'm sorry", and he swallowed a bunch of pills. They almost had to have his stomach pumped. Dan doesn't know exactly what that entails, but he doesn't want to know.

He's already planning on a third time. Hoping, that maybe, his next plan will work. Hes thinking about waiting a few months, so they can think he's better, and probably taking his father's gun. That way it will be quick and he knows it'll work for sure.

That's his plan, anyway.

Unfortunately, his plan didn't call for the boy across the hall. Dan meets Phil when the latter goes around, introducing himself to people. When he gets to Dan's door, he seems tentative, but his voice is confident. "Hi, my name's Phil. I'm just introducing myself to everyone. People tend to come and go in these places, might as well makes some friends." And Dan wants to explain that friendship isn't really his thing. So instead, he nods and says, "Nice to meet you. I'm Dan."

He realizes now, as he stares at the gun in his hands, that his plan was foiled by that boy that goes by Phil. That very boy was on his way over to Dan's house at this very second, and Dan hated everything about it. He wanted to use the gun like he had originally planned, but he couldn't. Not when he realized he now had something to live for. All because of that goddamn kid who introduced himself.

Phil had been there for his brother, for reasons that he wasn't willing to share with Dan yet because Martin wanted some privacy. When he was asleep, which was often, Phil would come visit Dan. Phil wasn't an idiot and had seen the self-harm scars, but he never asked about them until Dan himself brought up the topic.

Dan remembers telling Phil about everything. It was the day he was leaving and Phil was visiting him.  
"Phil, do you ever want to die?" He could tell that Phil was caught off guard by the question, but he also didn't miss the realization that settled on his face.

"No, not really. I mean, there are hard days, but I've never thought of death being the answer."

Dan envied him. He wanted that. He hated how he always felt like this, but he couldn't help it. Not when his family practically hated him as well as his school.

His parents thought suicide was for the weak. Perhaps they were right, because Dan felt that way all of the time. His brother had distanced himself from Dan, and although they were friendly to each other, they weren't close anymore. But Phil didn't seem afraid of him. He was afraid of Dan hurting himself again, but Dan almost forgot how miserable he felt when he was with Phil.

And by the time Phil walked into Dan's house and saw Dan with a gun to his head, but not a finger on the trigger, Dan was actually considering putting it down and calling for help. Actual help.

Phil ripped it out of his hands, and even though he tried to keep his voice level, Dan could see his hands shaking. "You don't have to do this, there are people here that love you, your parents love you, you brother loves you, I love you! We can talk about it, okay? We can talk..." And Dan nods, and for once he really believes that this is a talk he's ready to have

But no one says a thing at first. Phil is kneeling in front of Dan, his hands on Dan's as Dan is shaking, but not crying. He's not looking at Phil at first, but when he does, he whispers "I need help, Phil. I don't- I don't want to die anymore. You ruined it for me. You ruined my plan, but I am so fucking glad you did."

And Phil cries. He doesn't mean to, but hearing that was too much for him to hold in tears. And so they sit in Dan's room, as Phil cries and Dan rubs circles into his back, until Dan's parents come home.

And when they walk in and see his dad's gun sitting next to them, Phil crying, and Dan hugging Phil, they immediately realize that something is wrong. And they finally, FINALLY, take Dan to the hospital to get actual help.

Dan starts talking to a psychiatrist every week. Things aren't perfect, and he relapses, but it's okay. He has help by his side for those moments. He has his parents and his brother and Phil.

And eventually, he manages the courage to ask Phil on a date. An actual date.

They become a couple after four. And they're happy, so incredibly happy together. Not just because they're dating (although it's definitely a plus) but because Dan finally has a best friend. He's never had that before, and it's wonderful.

And even though they have arguments, they never truly last because whenever they do, Dan starts crying, which results in Phil starting to cry, and then they just hold each other. And Dan's brother always pokes fun at them, telling they're "Gross" because theyre too "coupley".

Dan ignores him, because being too sappy and cheesy and happy is exactly the end of the spectrum he wants to be on.

And so the day that it hits four years of them dating, it's also been two years since hes relapsed, and hes over come with emotions because he woke up to a breakfast in bed with a date that followed which lasted pretty much all day and night. And he started to cry on the way home because he was just so happy and Phil thinks he did something wrong but Dan is shaking his head and he's saying "I'm so happy, Phil. So so happy."


	8. Piecing Things Together

Dan and Phil having a falling out for some reason. And all I can picture is Dan being fine for a while, obviously sad, but for a while, hes fine. And then one day, he's home alone and he's trying to study for his exams, but all he can think about are memories him and Phil shared and he starts grabbing at his hair, crying, and just yelling "Get out of my bloody head! You're out of my life, why won't you leave my head too?!"

Somewhere far away, Phil's having the same thought as he looks over their texts for the 1000th time that day (Dan had deleted them in an angry fit, but Phil kept them bc he's a sadist clearly). He's not angry, just hollowed out. "Why won't you just leave me alone? If I can't have you here, I don't want you at all." But of course that was a lie. If it was, Phil wouldn't be looking over month old texts like an idiot.

And the next day, Dan goes to school, and his friends are completely shocked at how utterly awful he looks. He had stayed up all night crying, trying so hard to sleep, but he kept feeling so lonely. He didn't understand why everything was just now hitting him, but it was and he was exhausted to the point he didn't even attempt to straighten his hair.

"Woah, Dan. Are you okay?" His friend Marcus asked. He just kind of stared at him before shaking his head.

"No." Before walking off, a memory of him and Phil cuddling in Phil's bed after Dan had been crying over family stuff filling his mind.

Phil looked fine, but he acted off. He wasn't socializing and he looked straight ahead in his classes, not even focusing enough to take one note. He didn't remember to pack a lunch and he refused anything his friends offered. None of them really knew how to console him, so they just tried to watch over him.

Dan didn't show up to school for the next few days and his friends started to worry. He had originally gotten sick, but once it subsided, he found himself so mentally exhausted that he hadn't eaten or even had the energy to bathe. Marcus and Zoë had visited, making sure he was okay, but they knew he wasn't. And so it wasn't a surprise when he started full blown sobbing in front of them.

"He won't leave. He's left my life, but he won't fucking leave my head and its making everything so much worse than it already was."

This resulted in Marcus rubbing his back and Zoë hugging him tightly as Marcus sent a text to Dan's mom about it all, warning her that maybe they should start up his therapy sessions again.

Phil had noticed Dan's absence. He had heard that he broke down in the middle of class...twice. In all honesty, it was starting to worry him. It reminded him of before, back when they were in each other's lives and Dan was depressed all the time. Somewhere Phil started taking it personally, thinking it was his fault Dan was always that way. But now it's started again? And what for? Maybe it was a mistake, but Phil messaged Dan anyway.

Dan's phone had been confiscated for a few days until he finishes a few days of therapy again. That's how they always had to go about it. He hated therapy, though he was always thankful because he had someone to talk to.

And when he finally got his phone back, seeing that message from Phil, he froze and stared at it.

P: Hey.

He didn't respond that night despite the fact that it had already been a few days since the message was sent.

Phil was staring at the message. Hey? That's the best he could come up with? God, he's so stupid! Dan hasn't answered for days. He's probably just ignoring it. He doesn't want to talk with Phil. If only Dan could just say it to Phil's face and then maybe he could move on with his life.

He hadn't planned on answering until he talked to his therapist about it. His therapist's name was Jacob. So the next day, before they could even do the whole small talk thing, Dan just blurted out "Phil texted me a few days ago and I don't know how to answer."

So they talked and Dan finally mustered up the courage to send a simple. hey. Back. He went home and was told by Jacob that their next therapy session would be about the conversation.

Phil heard his phone ring and despite himself hoped it was Dan. And then holy shit it really was. Just a hey. And Phil decided that there's no need for small talk. Might as well get to the point. 

P: Be honest with me: are you okay?

Dan sat in Adrian's room, seeing as his parents refused to let him be alone at night in his own when he was like this.

Adrian was playing video games and Dan was sat on the mattress he slept on, contemplating whether or not to tell Phil the truth. He looked up.  
"Hey, Ade. Should I tell Phil the truth?" His brother turned to look at him for a second.

"Probably. It's better than him being mad about you lying." He had a point. So Dan sighed and typed his response.

D: honestly, no. I've been doing therapy again.

P: Is that why you didn't respond for a few days?

D: yeah.

P: I wasn't sure if you'd want to hear from me. I know we didn't exactly leave things on a good note, last time we spoke

D: don't remind me. How are you then?

Dan sat there, waiting a reply and somewhere deep down, he wanted Phil to say he was just as bad off, but he knew it was selfish. Though, in the back of his mind, he knew he wouldn't be able to handle if Phil said he was good.

P: Honestly, I'm a little rough.

He wanted to ask why. Just to see, but he didn't. He knew he wasn't stable enough for the conversation. Not yet. So he tried a different direction.

D: why did you text me?

It wasn't until after he sent it that he realized it sounded rude.

P: I miss you. So much that it hurts. I know it makes me selfish, but I had to talk to you.

He read the text and he felt a lump form in his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will the tears away, but he let out a short cry, making Adrian turn around immediately. Adrian crawled over to Dan and hugged him closely as he tried so hard not to cry more. He felt weak, but he knew he wasn't ready for the conversation. It wasn't until an hour later that he finally replied.

D: I miss you too...

It was an agonizing wait, but hearing that made it all worth it. 

P: I wish things hadn't turned out the way they had. I feel as though we've missed so much time together.

D: I can't have this conversation. I can't. I'll slip again. I cqnt do it, Phil. Not yet.

P: Okay. I understand.

Dan wasn't sure if he should reply or not. He wanted to keep talking, but he didn't know how without bringing back memories. He curled up under the blankets and stared at his phone.

D: perhaps we should talk tomorrow?

P: Yeah, tomorrow's good. Goodnight Dan.

D: yeah. Goodnight Phil.

Dan turned his phone off and closed his eyes, feeling almost excited for tomorrow to come.

When he woke up the next morning, he felt like crap, but he was still excited. Phil had talked to him again and they were going to talk again today.

"I'll be getting you out early, seeing as Jacob wanted your session to be earlier today," His mom said, making him nod. He turned on his phone and waited for it to load everything before loading his music and plugging in his headphones.

Phil went about his normal day. He was acting more like himself again. He felt less guilty, like his conscience was lighter. Every once in a while, he'd glance at his phone, wondering if he should wait for Dan or be the one to text first.

Dan was standing at his locker in between classes when he got called down to the office. He had all intentions to text Phil first, but he was going to do it when he was with Jacob. When he got there, it was the first thing he told him about. The conversation the previous night, that is. And that he wanted help texting him now. So after about fifteen minutes, he finally sent Phil a text.

D: hi.

P: hey how's it going?

"Just keep the conversation going, Dan. See where it goes," Jacob told him, smiling. Dan nodded, typing out a response.

D: it's okay. You?

P: I'm good, wish school was out.

D: yeah. I'm not in school, thankfully.

P: Really? Lucky.

D: if you consider therapy lucky, then I suppose so

P: oh. Sorry, I didn't realize

D: it's okay. Sorry. Listen, my therapist, Jacob, wants me to have THAT conversation with you.

P: Oh. So is he reading this right now?

D: no. I'm telling him the gist of things but he believes in privacy. He just wants us to talk about that while I'm with him so that he can monitor me, I suppose. However, it's up to you.

P: I mean of course, I don't mind.

D: okay. I'm just going to go out on a limb here and tell you this. Us falling out is the reason I'm back in this therapy. Yes, I realize that it happened months ago, but it all hit me so hard about a week and a half ago. I couldn't get you out of my mind and I'm sorry. I miss you. So much. I'm sorry.

And Phil just stared at the phone. Maybe he wasn't ready for this conversation. Was it his fault? 

P: Don't be sorry. I'm the one that should be sorry.

Dan didn't open the message for a second, scared of the reaction. He looked up to see Jacob watching him closely. 

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked. Dan swallowed and nodded, opening the message to see it wasn't that bad.

D: Why?

P: well, it's my fault you're back in therapy. Bc I hurt you

D: it wasn't just you. I hurt you too. I've always had a problem with my depression, you can't blame this all on yourself.

P: You were doing fine without me. What changed?

D: I was studying when everything crashed down. I was just studying and I was home alone and then suddenly I couldn't stop thinking about you. About us. And then I was screaming and crying. And all i could think was that you were out of my life but not my head and I couldn't see how that was fair.

P: Yeah. That's kind of how it went for me too. It isn't very fair at all.

D: Phil, i'm so sorry.

By now, Dan was a mess. He was crying and he had Jacob's hand rubbing his back softly.

P: No, it wasn't anyone's fault. It just happened. Everything just kinda happened fast, you know?

D: I want you back. But what if we fall apart again? I wouldn't be able to take that. And I'm so thankful for autocorrect because I can hardly see what I'm typing anymore. My head hurts and my eyes burn and I would kill to have you back, Phil. But we fell apart because suddenly we didn't fit and it scares me.

P: I want you back too. I can't promise anything, I wish I could. But I want you back so badly.

Dan listened as Jacob told him they shouldn't get back together for a while. Not until things are patched up and Dan is more stable. He was bent over in his chair, over his knees, trying to stop the sobs from raking through his body. All he wanted to have is Phil's arms around him.

D: Can we be friends again at least?

P: Absolutely. Friends sound great.

It was a step and even though he was a crying mess, Dan was happy about it. He'd much rather him be his friend than not at all.


End file.
